Hot Off the Press
by Luna Darkside
Summary: <html><head></head>"But considering the fact that he was staring at a two-page spread of his face with the words 'Kudou Shinichi – What's His Sexuality' splattered across the middle in size-five-million font, Shinichi thought his reaction was somewhat justified." /ShinKai, oneshot, complete/</html>


_I'm baaack~! With a terrible oneshot I wrote about six months ago, because at the moment, I'm having the _worst _writer's block. *sigh*_

_Well, hope you enjoy? - Luna_

**Hot Off the Press**

Um.

Shinichi blinked, frozen. Behind him, passersby continued down the sidewalk, and in front of him, the girl manning the newsstand was staring at him with slight concern. Mostly because he'd been standing there, staring at the same page of the same magazine, for nearly ten minutes. He could understand her concern.

But considering the fact that he was staring at a two-page spread of his face with the words "Kudou Shinichi – What's His Sexuality?!" splattered across the middle in size-five-million font, Shinichi thought his reaction was somewhat justified.

The salesgirl gave a quiet, "Um, sir…" sound, and Shinichi waved her off without looking up. Yes, that was kind of rude, and yes, he usually wasn't that way to poor, underpaid salesgirls, but there were more – pressing matters.

Barely breathing, Shinichi lifted one hand and flipped the page, weakly.

The title was restated on the next page, this time in slightly (but only slightly) less bold font. The article appeared to be written by someone named "Itodou Katsuki."

Swallowing hard, Shinichi forced himself to begin reading.

_What's new with everybody's favorite Great Detective of the East? His sexuality, of course!_

Oh God no. And that was only the first line.

_For a long time, Kudou Shinichi has been rumored to be in a relationship with the daughter of Sleeping Kogoro, his childhood friend, but since then, a tip from the girl herself claims that they aren't in that sort of relationship. "He's like my younger brother," Mouri Ran stated. "Like my overly intelligent, six-year-old brother."_

Ran, the traitor. Shinichi _knew_ he shouldn't have told her about Conan when he'd gotten back. Two black eyes and a broken rib, and now this?

_Which leaves the public wondering – if Kudou isn't interested in her, then who _is _he interested in?_

Was it so impossible for Shinichi to _not be interested _in anyone? He ran a hand through his hair, growling low in the back of his throat. The salesgirl lifted a hand, her expression hesitant, but seemed to give up as he went back to reading.

_The answer seems to lie at the Great Detective of the East's favorite event: Kaitou Kid's heists._

Oh _hell _no.

_It has been noted that when Kudou Shinichi returned from his hiatus, he began attending the illustrious phantom thief's heists, a habit that he did not display previously. Since then, speculation that the two are in a relationship has arisen._

Shinichi rubbed his face. This was a nightmare. A very, very not-real nightmare that he could definitely wake up from. Definitely.

"_I mean, they were totally having eye sex at the last heist," Suzuki Sonoko, the younger daughter of the Suzuki Financial Group, the niece of advisor Suzuki Jirokichi, and a long-time Kid fan, said in an interview. "And then Kid went so far as to address him as 'my angelic little tantei-kun' and _kiss _him. And from what I could see, Shinichi-kun was _totally _into it, too."_

What, exactly, had Sonoko been able to see? Shinichi clenched his jaw, shutting his eyes and praying to any and every deity for calm.

"_I can't believe Shinichi-kun would steal my darling Kid-sama, but I guess if they're both, y'know, like _that_, then I'll just have to live with it. Hey, how much do you think people would pay for a BL doujinshi of, like, a detective and a phantom thief? Five hundred yen? More? This is on a completely unrelated note, by the way."_

Despite his very strong opinion on murder, Shinichi was beginning to consider it.

_Which leads to the question of the week: What _is _Kudou Shinichi's sexuality? The only way to know for sure is to wait for the man himself to reveal it to the public… But we speak for all his female fans when we ask: Do we have a chance, or do we need sex changes?_

_Take deep breaths,_ Shinichi instructed himself. _Take five deep breaths, and then try not to explode._

He looked up at the salesgirl, who started visibly. "Sorry about this," he offered apologetically, and she melted.

"Oh, it's no problem," she chirruped. "But – you _are _Kudou Shinichi, right?"

"Uh…" Shinichi eyed her carefully. She seemed nice enough, and she _had _put up with him loitering at her newsstand for much longer than usual, so he just smiled and nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Really?" The salesgirl's hands flew up to clasp at her chest. "So then you can tell me?"

"Huh?"

She pointed at the article Shinichi's magazine was still open to, eyes sparkling. "You can tell me what your sexuality is, I mean!"

Shinichi decided he was going to need quite a few more than five deep breaths.

* * *

><p>Kaito looked up from his cell phone as the front door of the Kudou mansion slammed shut. Uncharacteristically heavy footsteps thumped towards him, and Kaito raised an eyebrow. It seemed Shinichi had encountered something on the way home.<p>

He was barely standing before the door to the library flew open with a bang, smacking against the bookshelf behind it, and Shinichi stormed in, a veritable pillar of beautiful irritation.

"Hello," Kaito said. It seemed a safe enough bet.

"_Hello_," Shinichi ground out in response. Without offering any further explanation, he threw a magazine at Kaito's face.

The trained magician he was, Kaito caught the magazine before it hit him. "How rude," he clucked at Shinichi, even as he stared at the article with eyebrows raised.

Apparently Shinichi didn't care about his lack of human manners, because he growled, "Kaito, this is _your _fault."

Perusing the article, Kaito shrugged. "Is it? It seems as if it's more Mouri-chan and Suzuki-chan's fault, to be honest."

"Please." Shinichi began pacing. "Yes, it is your fault. It's because you keep doing all those weird, suggestive things at heists!"

"Which weird, suggestive things, exactly?"

The look Shinichi leveled Kaito could've melted iron. "Four heists ago, you put me in a matching Kid suit. Three heists ago, you left me untouched, save for the 'Property of the Kaitou Kid' sign you stuck on my back, which I didn't notice until I got home. Two heists ago, you dropped me on top of the display case with a card that said, 'This jewel is worth more than any other.'" He shoved back a handful of his bangs, exhaling hard. "And last heist you _kissed me_ in front of all the cameras and the entire Kid task force. I just don't understand _why _you do that kind of thing, when I don't –"

"Oh." Kaito flashed a smile as he smoothly cut in, "Oh, _those _weird, suggestive things. I'm sorry, I was just confused by the fact that you were calling my courting rituals by such a crass name."

Shinichi stopped pacing, words choking off mid-rant. It took his brain approximately thirty seconds to process what Kaito had just said. Once he had, though, it was difficult to unglue his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

"Ex-Excuse me?" He gawped, eyes wide. "Did you just say all your – pranks were _courting rituals_?"

"I believe so." Kaito sat down, tossing the magazine onto the table by the armchair. "I assumed that you would understand, considering that you're a detective and I thought I was making my intentions towards you pretty clear. I suppose I was stupid for thinking that your lack of resistance was reciprocation. Really, you were just going with it?"

And then he smiled at Shinichi, crestfallenly. _Crestfallenly_. Not _smirkily _or _annoyingly _or _haughtily_; there was real, actual _devastation _in his eyes that Shinichi hadn't noticed before. Before, when he'd assumed that Kaito's antics in his alter ego were all just a part of his attempt to ruffle the detective.

But now – now he was learning that those very same antics had been some kind of – some kind of _confession_. That Shinichi had been completely and utterly blind to. And that he had completely and utterly trampled on with his lack of perception.

This was a very sad day for him as a detective.

He felt strangely lightheaded at the thought that he had caused Kaito some kind of pain. Pain and Kaito just didn't – mix in his head. The two should never have to meet. Ever. And especially not because of Shinichi. The thought of that made Shinichi clench his teeth and left nail marks in his palms, because _no_.

A thought suddenly hit him. W-Wait, the fact that Kaito's happiness actually mattered to him –didn't that mean –

…Oh God, Shinichi was a _lot _less straight than he'd previously thought.

"So…" Kaito finally broke the awkward silence, glancing at Shinichi furtively through his eyelashes. "I have a question for you."

Exhale. Compose yourself. Shinichi turned to him. "What?"

"What's your sexuality?"

Shinichi stared at him, the hard line of his mouth slowly softening. "Why don't you tell me?" he asked, taking one step towards him.

Kaito shrugged, but there was a flicker of something alive in his eyes. "I don't know," he said airily. "I hope you have a thing for phantom thieves, though."

* * *

><p><strong>Kudos to you if you caught the little thing about the author of the article. :D<strong>

**Er, yeah. Hope you enjoyed, and if you did, please consider dropping me a review~! I'm off to try to conquer my writer's block, and I hope I'll be back soon with another fic. Mwah! - Luna**


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